29, Arizona
how difficult it is to have been an adult as a child and now a child as an adult
i drowned and no one noticed.
the view i had, wow.
it was breathtaking and secluded.
i only had to share it with you.
i either isolated myself away from those who knew me before you,
or i fooled those who had only known me with you and made them think this is how i had always been.
i made them think i had always been outspoken and brave,
social and charming.
i made them think we were just best friends.
and it worked for a time,
all of the lying and isolating.
i got to be with you,
by myself.
until i started drowning.
it was slow and somewhat peaceful.
i could feel the weight on my lungs and the water entering my ears but i didn’t care.
there were days when water escaped my eyes and i swore i would drown much sooner in the tears.
i didn’t.
i drowned at a slow and steady pace.
for a year,
everytime you would save me,
i would find myself in the ocean again.
sharks would swarm me and tease me, not that you ever noticed.
i began to stand on my tippy toes, just so i could get a breath of fresh air.
and that was okay with me,
because you were on land,
filling your lungs and flashing your beautiful green eyes-
i would never want to steal your air.
i never wanted anything from you.
i know that must be confusing for you.
you must think the worst of me now.
all i ever wanted was your love.
i loved you with every inch of my being.
i defended you with my heart and soul.
i would have done anything for you.
even if that meant drowning.
i just wish you would have noticed.
sickdelights-deactivated2023091:
I’ll forever wait for the day people stop saying that people with bpd are attention seekers. You literally have no idea what is it like for us to be in so much intense emotional pain and if you had, you’d know we can keep it all inside of us without imploding. We can seem dramatic, but we’re just feeling a lot and acting accordingly.
Catching feelings for anyone who gives you the slightest attention
sickdelights-deactivated2023091:
I love way too hard to always receive this little
abandonment issues slayyyy